Ahh...so far this day is going pretty good. I have a headache but its the price you pay for not eating and then having a few beers. I went out to Cadillac Ranch with a friend last night and had a very cool time. Never been and wasnt sure about it but she loves it there and so I went for the new experience and to hang out with her. Needless to say we both had a great time and she said I impressed her for being my first time dancing to country music. LoL. We did a few dances and i got into it a little, after one dance i leaned her back for a dip...lol...i think i got some points for that move. :-)
So now im listening to some Ken Navarro and this guy is amazing on the guitar. If you havent heard him go check him out, definately worth it. My taste in music is pretty eclectic. It really all depends on my mood and unlike what alot of people think, my music doesnt define me. I define it. Granted majority of my music is rock with some jazz mixed in, but im a fan of just about every type of music, as long as it has something that speaks to me i'm all for it. I know alot of people who shape themselves around the music they listen to and thats cool for them, but im too much of a personality to define myself by one genre. I am who I am and thats all I can be. Take it or leave it. I honestly dont really know if anything kinda defines me. I take bits and pieces of my world and make it into me, so in a sense I define myself and this in turn shapes my world. I've tried to fit into one mold or another and nothing ever really stuck or people tried to put me into a box so that it would be easier to understand me but i know myself to be a complex mystery, and if I ever get put into a proverbial box, it will be my grave. I am too much of a free spirit to be tied down to any one thing, while at the same time realizing that certain things in my life are there to keep me grounded. I have to keep moving and changing and learning, or I die.
While I was getting ready to head out for my date thinking about where I was in regards to life and in particular my relations with the opposite sex, I recalled something I said nearly a year ago to someone I thought I loved but ended up just being really strong feelings. I told them that I understood they were not ready for a relationship and so I would wait for them. Over a year has passed and we no longer talk in any form, because I wasnt able to trust them like I should have been and so now I am starting to date again and enjoy life. Am I still waiting around for them? Yes and No. My thoughts towards them are pretty mixed right now and plus looking at my life i dont really see much that I could offer them right now, but the mistake i made is that I allowed myself to be completely devoted to them and ended up standing still. I wasnt moving on with the things I wanted to do, my life decisions became strongly influenced by what they wanted, and I ended up pushing away long time friendships in order to show my willingness to make space for them in my life. Live and learn right? So when I decided to start dating again and ended up reconnecting with someone i used to talk to alot, I realized that waiting for someone and standing still are completely different things. I went out with this beautiful person who I had an awesome time with, and I was moving on with my life but yet I am still waiting. You see, standing still means you arent doing anything whatsoever. You are litterally in a state of complete stillness and letting everything else pass by with no involvement on your part. I allowed my life to sorta become stale waiting for the other person to take the step towards me. Waiting for someone in my opinion and observation means continuing on with your life but always keeping that door unlocked for them. As country singer Trace Adkins says "every light in the house is on, just in case you ever do get tired of being gone." We should never stand still waiting for someone because chances are they are moving on with their life and if your standing still, your gonna be left behind with nothing but a broken heart and nothing to show for the time you invested just standing still.
I will leave you on that note. Will write more later but I got some errands I gotta run and as a great friend always tells me, "give them only enough for the moment, keep them wanting to come back for more." Wise man indeed. Well keep realz, and stay true to yourself, cuz when its all said and done, the only person staring back at you in the mirror is you, so you only have you to answer to.
I, too, had an amazing time! Wasn't sure if you would have a good time but I hoped you would! I can't believe it took this long for us to finally hang out!
ReplyDeleteYes, sir! You definitely got plenty of points for that dip! Surprised the hell out of me! However, it gave you enough points that I will forgive you for using my phrase: I am who I am, that's all I can be! Take it or leave it! God, I must have said that a thousand times in our conversations over the past year!! But it's a good theory to live by because at the end of the day the only person who can control your happiness is you! If you're not happy with who YOU are as a person you will never be happy with anything or anyone else. (you can use that one too if you like! lol!)
I have been down your road and it's a tough one. No need to explain here. I've told you a little and there's more insight on my blog. I have learned that giving up yourself for someone else is not love and won't make you happy. Nobody is worth losing yourself or your friends over and the one who is won't make you do it.
You're an amazing person! The more I'm impressed! What does it mean? I have no clue!! I'm glad we finally had this opportunity. Will anything come of it? Only time will tell....if nothing else I know at the end of the day I have an amazing friend who accepts me for me and whom I can be myself with and that's all that matters!! Good luck in your quest and I'll see you soon....