Titleless...shows the true side of a story

So as the endless waters flow and the sounds of my fingers hitting the keys on this simple machine, reverberate through my ears, I realize that dreams are simple fantasies that seem to stir us up only to let us down eventually. Sounds to me like they are the simplest, cheapest, and strongest drug on the market. And yet everyone seems addicting to them and some turn to crack, x, weed, speed, and god knows what else, to try to either enjoy these dreams better or as a way to deal with reality when these so called dreams fall apart or dont go the way they should or expected them to. I am a dream addict. Nothing better than to escape the realities of life with a trip into the world of false hopes, senseless aspirations, stifling desires, and wishful thinking. The eutopia of self-indulgence where the soul can sit at the dinner table of lies and savor every morcel of idealogic stupidity. Have a sip of the finest wines ever to be served with a plater of cheese and crackers to help wash down the razor lined lies.

My dream is love. To have someone that I lay my head down on and know that no matter what, she is mine and I am hers. The woman who will show me the truth of what vulnerability looks like and allow me to show her the deepest secrets of my soul with no regard for my safety. She will be the reason i wake up each morning and the final thing i kiss before i fall asleep. She will share with me the sorrow of loss of loved ones, and I will be standing there showering her with kisses and adoration when she brings life into this world through her sacred bossom. Together we will shower this world with love and service, while each day discovering the depths of love that only a man and wife are capabale of exploring. I heard it said that love is a mystery beyond the understanding of any man, yet somewhere there is a woman who will present me with the map and I will pledge to her my strength and support. She will have dreams tucked away in her spirit and I am the soldier who will shield her from any harm while she pursues these dreams. Each day will be another poem that is written in the laughter of one of us making a stupid comment and the other shooting a look like, did you seriously just go there? Chances are I will be the former and she will be the latter. I have experienced bits and pieces of this dream in the eyes of several woman, each sharing something different with me about love, yet none fully capturing my soul and shattering all understanding of what I believed love and beauty to be. She will be that single strike that will break all bounds and show me that as much of a lover and writer of beauty I am, I had simply no clue of what a truly beautiful and downright sexy woman looks like. She will capture my thoughts with a simple glance. Silence my anger with a simple whisper. Calm my passion fueled rage with a simple touch. Sooth my pain with a single kiss. Satisfy all my desires with a single breath.
I dream of serving her with every breath. Making sure that she has all that she ever needs. Understanding that the simple saying of sweetheart I love you, can mean more to her than anything I could ever buy her. She will love me not because of what I am able to provide her, but because she knows the man that I truly am and will sacrifice all that she can physically hold and see to remain by my side; and I will do the same for her. She will be the reason why I shoot across the world to be by her side if she needs, letting nothing stand in my way. If anything does stand in my, she will be the silent whisper that strengthens me to shove past and destroy blocking my path. In my passion for her I will be sure to lead and guide our family on the path we should go, both of us sharing in the responsibility of raising our sons and daughters to fullfil thier destinies.
For now I must close, for to share ones secret passions with ones other than that special someone, can somehow taint the purity of those secrets, destined only to be shared with she is sent to my side by destiny. For now I shall simply leave you with this. I am a dreamer, one who dreams of one day finding she who will look me in the eye and shout to world with defiance and not a single ounce of shame. "Mike, sweetheart, I love you. You are my man."


to be continued........

Morning Sunshine

If I could kiss you tonight, the world would stop turning
If I could hold you tonight, my heart would stop beating
If I could see you tonight I would die a happy man
If I could fall asleep in your arms, I'd never want to wake up

Open your eyes while embraced in my arms
Remnants of a kiss still fresh on your forehead
Hold you tight
as you feel my heart beat beneath my chest
Smell the scent of love in the air
As the birds outside sing our favorite love song

The sun casts its rays upon your face
Beautiful as the day my eyes first beheld your gaze
Run my fingers through your hair
Embracing every inch of the goddess who is now my queen

Bring you closer to me
as we snuggle in the morning ecstasy
A beautiful portrait
painted with just you and me


Poetic foreplay :the new name of the game:

Why the hell not?

So yea its like 6am sunday morning...pulled another all nighter working on some logos for the studio and another side project i hope to get launched in the coming year. Got some papa roach cranking in the radio and texting to an ex gf, multi-tasking baby!! My body is starting to make it real clear that I need to sleep soon but I will eventually. In order to be a success you have to willingly push yourself beyond all that you know, are comfortable with, and willing to do up to that point in order to reach that next level.
Today was a seriously awesome day. Woke up after a good night sleep and had a blast of positive energy wash over me. Been up and down emotionally lately and im sure it has something to do with the high dose of meds ive been giving myself beyond the prescribed amount. The pills I take are meant to balance me out and so when I add more than I am supposed to, things are gonna get interesting for awhile and i may have done more damage than is easily seen. Gonna call the doc and see what their opinion is. Cant afford to have any more relapses considering all the plans I have in my head and slowly putting into motion.
A friend had a rough week and really just an ass kicking of a year so far and I told her tonight was gonna be a relaxing night for her. Spent the day cleaning the house, making a homemade meal with a spinach and lettuce salad mixed with carrots, cheese, cucumber, bacon bits, and homemade garlic croutons. The entree was parmesean chicken that I marinated in a garlic onion and oregano butter for a few hours. Had some mash potatoes and corn on the side. dessert was homemade cinnamon chocolate cookies. I had the table all nice and fancy for her and then went and picked her up. We had a great dinner and I think this was the best one i cooked for her so far....lol. Got plenty of leftovers and im ready to grub!!
The rest of the night went really good and Im not gonna share because she is probably reading this and I have a feeling i'll be getting a text about it sometime today. :-)
I was thankful that she let me spoil her tonight because its something that I love to do, take care of those i care about. Sometimes its the simplest things that help us get through whatever it is that we are going through, and nothing says I am here for you like a special dinner just for that person. :-) Gonna save my thoughts on that for another posting.
I recently picked up the movie called "The Social Network." The movie is about the beginnings of Facebook and how the founders managed to build such an internet phenomenon with a few short months. One of my favorite scenes in the entire movie is where one of the supporting characters reads the newspaper and the article about Mark making a site that gets so much traffic it literrally crashes Harvard's network. "He built this site in less than one night, got over 22,000 hits, and he did this while he was drunk. He blogged about it while building the site." LMAO. The movie is filled with intelligence and the hilarious comments that come from the situations make this a great movie.
Facebook came out of a man who just got dumped, was drinking away his pain while blogging about the situation, and wham! He puts a site together that crashes Harvard then eventually leads to Facebook as we know it today. I was watching this movie and it hit me like a slap across the face! Why the hell not? He put this site together simply cuz he thought it would be a cool idea and wasnt really worried about where it would go, he just had an idea, put it out there, and then let destiny take over from there. How many times have I sat on my couch or at the bar trying to drown my pain or depression in alcohol? How many times have I been dumped or rejected and started drinking and writing crazy stuff, yet never did anything with what I wrote down? More times then I care to recall.
There comes a time in every one of our lives where we get tired of the life we have and get tired of the dead ends that we keep running down thinking that this is the correct way to go. I reached this point this week and it really came full focus while watching the movie. The dude started a site that made him a billionare simply cuz he was pissed and drunk. He had the attitude of why the hell not? what have i got to lose?
Bigger the risk, bigger the reward or loss.
The question isnt whether or not we will win or lose when taking the risk. Its the question of whether or not we will take the risk in the first place. Losers are losers cuz they dont ever try. Just because you lose doesnt mean your a loser, it means shit happens and not always the way we want, so cry a little then get up and keep moving. I have lost 2 jobs in the past 2 months, lost a year chasing a dream that never came full circle, lost my house and the sense of independence that comes with a man having his own territory. Lost more money than i like to think about investing in pipe dreams, lost sleep battling depression and other demons, lost friends and family in various fights and bad decisions made on my part. So yea, needless to say, I got a small idea of what loss is about. Have others lost more then I have? Yea. I know a few personally who have lost unimaginably more in their lives this past year. Yet this isnt about the loss, its about what the person does after the loss. Each degree of loss has its time necessary to get over it, and some we can never get over, yet if we let the loss keep us down then we will continue to lose. We will be standing still soaking in our defeat while life passes us by like we are some begger on the street who is so broke he cant even afford to ask for a penny. Life at times decides to give us some help and a break, but it never really lasts long cuz if it did, we would never grow as people.
I have reache the point that I have literally nothing else to lose. All that i have is my dignity and pride and creativity and willingness to kick some ass while i spread my wings and soar to the heights of success in this life and shine a light for others to follow. I mean seriously, if a Borderline Personality, emotionally interesting, skinny white guy from a small truck stop on I-95 can pick his scrawny ass up from the ground and be something of a success, then shit anyone can do it.
Will they? Will you?
These are the key questions that we each have to answer in our own lives. If you say your gonna do something, then shit, do what you say, screw the consequences! Be smart about it of course but dont allow yourself to overthink it the point that you dont act. So many things stall because we spend all of our energy searching out every possible pro and con. There is no end to the pros and cons that can be found if you continously spend time on a certain subject or decision. America was started because some english dudes across the ocean said they were sick of living the "dream" of serving the king and subjecting themselves to the destiny all of their ancestors had fulfilled before them. They said "we will possibly die" and never see our home or families again, but they still did it. I see them as having the Why the Hell Not? attitude. Shoot they were gonna die sooner or later, so why not take a crazy adventure across the ocean and see what else is out there. I am here today encouraging you to a level of craziness of ass kicking boldness because my ancestors told the king to kiss their ass; they're gonna do their own thing. Win or lose, they at least will be able to say they stepped out and tried.
I have some insanely cool ideas that I want to see happen and you know what, no one is gonna come along and say hey mike, lets start this dream together and you just sit back and enjoy the ride. I have to step up and sieze every ounce of life that is left for me and show myself that I have what it takes to be a success. The dreams and ideas in my head will never be worth anything until i stop whining about the sorry excuses for dreams that have been short lived, and start pushing myself to the limits of what I know and then push farther, straining with all I have to show myself and the world that I have just begun to succeed. Stretch out my hands and shackle myself to the winds of fate, destiny, and karma which shall steer me in all paths of this thing I call life.
It is time for me to relax a little and possibly even sleep but we'll see.
Just rememember that no matter what life throws your way, shit could be worse and it could be better. Losers stay down, but winners get their asses handed to them day in and day out, yet they still come back for more.
What are you?

Modifications

Holy cow im tired. This has definately been a draining weekend and i have yet to get a full night sleep but hey, i'll sleep plenty when I'm dead. I talked to a friend last night while hanging out and was informed that at times my blog can seem to be a little scatterish and confusing, so I will do my best to keep things clear and simple; yet if I do that then are you really getting to experience whats going on in my head, or the watered down clean version. I am very sporadic at times and im cool with that. Keeps people in my life on their toes. :-) I have gotten some nice tattoo work done recently and changed my hair and got an eyebrow piercing, all within the first few weeks of the new year. I came out of a suffocating situation that lasted for most of the past year and so when the new year came with a touch of fresh air, i jumped at the chance and breathed new life into my soul. After each tattoo i get i always say im not gonna get another one for awhile and then my creative side kicks in and bam, next payday im under the needle getting another crazy design placed on my body. I have been slowly putting together the pieces to my next major tattoo that will take a few sessions to complete, mainly because of the amount of money im sure its going to cost me, easily about $1000. When its fully finished its gonna be insane!! I plan on going to see Govina at the shop and start getting the ideas flowing and seeing just how far this piece can go. I honestly see it being like a masterpiece and will design it so other pieces can be put on as time progresses. With all this creativity flowing I have decided to begin looking at schooling for art progression and going to even look into possibly working at the tattoo shop where I always go, simply so i can be around the atmosphere. People who love music go to concerts, people who love cars go to car shows, people who love art go to museums. I love body art and so i hang out at tattoo shops. People may look at those who are fully into the body art culture as outsiders and people who love to party and do drugs. Ladies and gentleman pardon me while i slap you for your ignorance and self-righteous stupidity. Granted alot of people who get tattoos live what society likes to refer to as an "alternative" lifestyle. Not really sure exactly why they call it alternative but whatever floats your boat. Am I a full fledged member of the tattoo society with art covering alot of my body? Nope. Will I ever have my body fully covered in ink? It would be cool but i wont do it. Some ink for me is cool, but the whole body suit thing just isnt my style. Im not even sure full sleeves are in my future either but I do plan on having one or two major pieces that cover the majority of my upper body. Even as I type my mind is shooting out ideas and improvements on the designs I already have. That is one thing i truly love about art expressed in any form whether visually, verbally, or linguistically; its always evolving. Art in any form is as crucial to a society as the water and food supply, in my opinion. It helps shape the ideas that power the businesses that provide income for the residents who invest this income into the general population through various outlets. Art in all its forms allow for a people to show themselves for who they truly are and directly expresses the health and wellness of a city and population. I read in the Bible something that a great men of the Christian belief Paul wrote to his disciple Timothy, if i remember correctly. He stated that "I desire that you prosper and be in good health, even as your soul prospers."
Now I will not spend the time getting into a debate about the fullness of what he was refering to and as a note of caution to any would be debatee's, if you want to pursue a debate about the context and all that about the verse I used understand that I spent 6 years in a sort of seclusion from any other form of influence, studying and living out the bible, under the guidance of some very influential and wise men and women. So if you come to the debate, please make sure you have proper ammunition, have done your homework, and only wish to learn and grow, not to prove your superiority either intellectually or religiously, cuz i shall make you look like a fool, one way or another. Cool? Alrighty then. Let me continue on.
Side note. I was born under the Gemini sign, so intellectual debates and challenges are so my thing.
When I read the words "even as your soul prospers" i saw a man who understood that the soul was just as vital to the health of a person as is his or her body and wealth. The soul is an intangible thing and art is the means for which it can become tangible. It would seem almost idiotic for someone to think that art has no place in society. I have actually heard that said in some circles of power in my city. They may have only been referring to a certain form of artistic expression but nonetheless their statements show the reality of where a culture and society can lead itself when art is pushed to the side. I will for sure be writing more about this topic because its something that literally drives me on a daily basis but I have also learned that too much at one time can ruin the whole meal. So onto what inspired this recent posting.
"Some customize their cars, I customize my body" was the content of my most recent status update on facebook and myyearbook.com, which are the sites i use to connect with friends and even flirt a little. Met an awesome new friend on yearbook so its all good in the hood. LOL. I came up with that quote while thinking about the money i spend on tattoos and the money i used to spend on car mods. both were seen as useless in some people's eyes, which is fine but i bust my ass for the money so im entitled to use it how i see fit. Being single with no one depending on my financial support has its perks. :-) I like to customize my body because its the canvas that i have chosen to express myself upon and its where I tell my story. Many people i knew in the church have and have gotten tattoos and some continue to do so, because its a form of artistic expression. I love tattoos because they allow me to channel my creativity and reveal myself in unique and abstract ways. I cant carry my art collection around with me everywhere i go, so my body is the mobile collection of art that shows the various sides of my personality, reveals my likes and passions, and chronicles the key moments in my life that i feel have shaped me into who i am today. I have seriously considered doing a full tapestry of my life up to this point on my arms or legs or even back, but may just hold of on that for awhile..lol. If you want to learn about me then chances are you can just look at my tattoos and see all that you will ever need to know.
On the completely vain and shallow side, they are amazingly good icebreakers and attention getters when it comes to the opposite sex. :-) "she thinks my tattoo's sexy, it really turns her on" (sang in a country twang voice and is the modified version of the verse 'she thinks my tractor's sexy, it really turns her on' taken from the song "she thinks my tractor's sexy" by Kenny Chesney) I think i might have to get that song and do an "alternative" lifestyle remake of it..lol...what do you think. Already have been working on a remake of Free Fallin by Tom Petty, calling it Free Ballin. "Yea I'm free, free ballin!" LOL talk about an alternative lifestyle. I really need to get back into the studio! Last time i was there we had an interesting time lmao. You were there and you know who you are and you know exactly what I'm talking about. :-)
So it may be best if i close up on that note. Its 1:30 and I have to be up in a little while for a meeting at work. Should be fun. So I hope you enjoyed the blog as much as I have enjoyed reading it and look forward to writing more about my views and thoughts in regards to the vitality of art in a society.

The prices we pay

So yea....right now i am completely zoned out tired and just a little pissed but i'll be calm in a little. The pipsqueek from work confronted me tonight and asked me straight up if i was talking shit about him behind his back. I said flat out yep. I have been and I dont care. You want to talk to me like im some boy that has no clue what he's doing, you damn right im gonna talk shit behind your back. He asked me to be straight up with him and after hanging around with someone who has reminded me that honesty is really the best policy, i didnt hold back. The little tweerp kept trying to interupt and I made it clear that if he couldnt handle the truth the keep his little ignorant mouth shut before someone shuts it for you. He asked me what did he do and I told him blankly that he lost my respect out the gate when he talked to me like i knew nothing and he was the shit. Did he mean to come across that way? Maybe, maybe not. But the day that he opened his mouth was the wrong day and I told him blankly that I was seconds away from dropping his ass to the floor that first day we worked together. I have been working in the kitchen in some shape or form since I was in high school. Been to college, have run small restaraunts, and have been certified as a trainer for a national restaraunt chain. Dont come to me like i have no clue what I'm doing when your ass has 2 pans going with only two orders and the head cooks are out of broccoli, which is our stations responsibility, and I have to come up from the back where I was prepping shit for our station, just to put broccoli in the mic so the point guys can get the food out at correct times. I mean dude dont open your mouth and talk shit unless you damn sure can back it up, especially with me in the kitchen. I suck at alot of things, but hell i ran Night Prep, helped out on fry station, put ribs in the smoker, and kept the line cooks stocked with all the stuff that they needed when I worked at smokey bones. This fool has no idea what tree he has decided to bark up cuz even though he may be the station trainer now dont mean shit to me. Knowing one station is cool, but i can run circles around you motherfucker in that station, and keep stock prepped, and assist the point guys with getting food out to the servers. Im not sure how my boss took it but at this point I dont give a shit. They want that loser to be the head of the station, fine i'll let the prick have it cuz it dont mean shit as far as his ability to be an asset to the team. Lazy fucking prick. Im not gonna apologize for anything i said or did, because i literally saw myself grab him by the back of the head and smash his face full force into the stove top, which is round and pure steel...would have knocked the fucking piece of shit unconscious...either he or me had someone watching out for us cuz it was surely about to be a fucking massacre. I was just coming down from the overdose of prozac and had worked out for 3 days straight and just was in that frame of mind and people at work saw it. Will i get fired from this job. Only time will tell. Will i let this prick be the cause. Maybe. cuz right now i really just want to fuck him up and not stop till the skinny little sucker is no longer black cuz i beat it out of him. The last thing you ever want to do is mess with someone who finds themself backed into a corner, already been through hell and severly wounded, and have the mindset that there is nothing more to lose. That is the wrong pan of shit to jump into cuz you sure as hell will not survive, or if you do, you'll wish to god you kept your sorry cock sucking lips shut.
Ok i should probably stop cuz im straight up in a fighting mood right now. Heard a song yesterday while I was getting my new tattoo done. Its by the band named Clutch and the title is Binge and Purge. The song was cool but when it got to the end i was like holy shit this is awesome. "C'mon motherfucker lets throw down, c'mon motherfucker lets throw down." if that aint a true hardcore rock fight song, i dont know what is.
So about the title to my blog. I was driving home from a friends earlier today and texting one of my other friends who felt like she wasnt important to me because i was in her eyes ignoring her. I did my best to inform her of why i hadnt responded to her and she says she was cool with it but i could tell she wasnt. The thought came to me that the people in my life pay a price to be part of it. I am easily not the greatest person to walk the earth. I can be the sweetest most genuine guy and lover, then something happens and its straight up asshole time. I am seen as unstable by many but its just the way i think, with a mind that is always exploring and wanting to learn, and a spirit that is wild to the core. Some people end up being the punching bags that i use to take out life's stress upon, others become the victims of my war against myself, and then there are others who really dont endure much and yet they are usually the ones who dont recieve much from me except the basic human respect and toleration. So i guess the ones who endure more are better because they pay a higher price but they recieve a greater return. At first i didnt see this thought going this way but as with writing, the thought is merely the knock on the door. No telling what is on the other side and where it will take you, but for me as someone who lets the hand of life guide my words, i just sit back and enjoy the ride.
Well speaking of rides, its time for me to take one to the bed and see where my sleep will take me. LoL. I have alot more in me to put down on here but for now i'll sleep on it. Stay tuned and stay warm.

Waiting around is not the same as standing still

Ahh...so far this day is going pretty good. I have a headache but its the price you pay for not eating and then having a few beers. I went out to Cadillac Ranch with a friend last night and had a very cool time. Never been and wasnt sure about it but she loves it there and so I went for the new experience and to hang out with her. Needless to say we both had a great time and she said I impressed her for being my first time dancing to country music. LoL. We did a few dances and i got into it a little, after one dance i leaned her back for a dip...lol...i think i got some points for that move. :-)
So now im listening to some Ken Navarro and this guy is amazing on the guitar. If you havent heard him go check him out, definately worth it. My taste in music is pretty eclectic. It really all depends on my mood and unlike what alot of people think, my music doesnt define me. I define it. Granted majority of my music is rock with some jazz mixed in, but im a fan of just about every type of music, as long as it has something that speaks to me i'm all for it. I know alot of people who shape themselves around the music they listen to and thats cool for them, but im too much of a personality to define myself by one genre. I am who I am and thats all I can be. Take it or leave it. I honestly dont really know if anything kinda defines me. I take bits and pieces of my world and make it into me, so in a sense I define myself and this in turn shapes my world. I've tried to fit into one mold or another and nothing ever really stuck or people tried to put me into a box so that it would be easier to understand me but i know myself to be a complex mystery, and if I ever get put into a proverbial box, it will be my grave. I am too much of a free spirit to be tied down to any one thing, while at the same time realizing that certain things in my life are there to keep me grounded. I have to keep moving and changing and learning, or I die.
While I was getting ready to head out for my date thinking about where I was in regards to life and in particular my relations with the opposite sex, I recalled something I said nearly a year ago to someone I thought I loved but ended up just being really strong feelings. I told them that I understood they were not ready for a relationship and so I would wait for them. Over a year has passed and we no longer talk in any form, because I wasnt able to trust them like I should have been and so now I am starting to date again and enjoy life. Am I still waiting around for them? Yes and No. My thoughts towards them are pretty mixed right now and plus looking at my life i dont really see much that I could offer them right now, but the mistake i made is that I allowed myself to be completely devoted to them and ended up standing still. I wasnt moving on with the things I wanted to do, my life decisions became strongly influenced by what they wanted, and I ended up pushing away long time friendships in order to show my willingness to make space for them in my life. Live and learn right? So when I decided to start dating again and ended up reconnecting with someone i used to talk to alot, I realized that waiting for someone and standing still are completely different things. I went out with this beautiful person who I had an awesome time with, and I was moving on with my life but yet I am still waiting. You see, standing still means you arent doing anything whatsoever. You are litterally in a state of complete stillness and letting everything else pass by with no involvement on your part. I allowed my life to sorta become stale waiting for the other person to take the step towards me. Waiting for someone in my opinion and observation means continuing on with your life but always keeping that door unlocked for them. As country singer Trace Adkins says "every light in the house is on, just in case you ever do get tired of being gone." We should never stand still waiting for someone because chances are they are moving on with their life and if your standing still, your gonna be left behind with nothing but a broken heart and nothing to show for the time you invested just standing still.
I will leave you on that note. Will write more later but I got some errands I gotta run and as a great friend always tells me, "give them only enough for the moment, keep them wanting to come back for more." Wise man indeed. Well keep realz, and stay true to yourself, cuz when its all said and done, the only person staring back at you in the mirror is you, so you only have you to answer to.

Home away from home

So another day, another dollar. Got two days off and i plan on enjoying them and getting the house cleaned and in order. This week I was assigned another saute cook whom I have yet to work with and if I can be honest, the little tweerp has alot to learn and i guess so do I. Last night I was close to knocking him on his little ass because of something he said. I'm sitting here thinking, "dude I was running a full service Japanese Restaraunt when you were just learning about the birds and the bees." LMAO. Seriously was not in the mood for this little arrogant pipsqweak to mouth off but I kept my cool, barely. LOL all i can say is when it comes to working in a high volume restaraunt, talk is cheap and this dude is close to being broke. I've outworked and outlasted almost every worker that has worked in a position with me in regards to the kitchen, including managers so not too concerned with him becoming the top Saute cook; knowing only one position and not being able to work in various parts of the kitchen makes you pretty obsolete and I've run circles around this cat the entire shift, and still closed two stations in less than an hour...not easy for a rookie to do. LOL. But i have seen plenty of his kind and they usually hang themselves, so all I plan on doing is sitting back and watching him fall to the point that he realizes every player in the kitchen has to be a team player, then help him up if he wants it; if not, good luck to you and i'll start training another cook. I'm sorry ladies and gentleman but if there is one thing I can say confidently about myself is that when it comes to the kitchen, im pretty damn good. Am I a chef? Hells no. Do I have alot to learn? of course, who doesnt? Can I run my ass off in the kitchen working three stations at the same time as well as helping the point leader plate up food, yep. Did it tonight. So needless to say, when it comes to the kitchen, im not afraid of any challenger. Maybe I should go on Iron Chef? LOL. Probably not.
So on to the main thoughts for this post. The other night I was the last one to be in the kitchen finishing up cleaning. We had a pretty busy night and so after i cleaned my area the kitchen manager asked me to look over the rest of the kitchen before I left. The music was off and there was no one else in the kitchen, the bosses were in the office finishing up the night's paperwork. I can honestly say that in this quite moment I once again fell in love with the kitchen and felt at home like I havent felt in a long time. Maybe its because cooking is literally in my blood. Or the fact that my first job was at taco bell and subway, which gave me my first glimpse into life in the kitchen, and I was hooked. For anyone who knows me, i am a pretty energetic person and my mind is always moving and searching for new ideas, new challenges, new things to learn. Needless to say I can get very bored at times and if I dont keep myself busy, I lose motivation very quickly and this in turn reduces my overall performance. In plain terms, if i find the job boring then i'll move on to another one, with very little thought before quitting. The kitchen is a fast paced, up and down, constantly on the go, always something to do kinda place. It requires extreme attention to detail but also requires amazing speed. You have to be able to prep, cook, and plate the food in a very short time frame, all the while making sure that every dish you serve is up to the chef's specifications so that each guest has the exact same flavored dish each time they come in. If they order say, a shrimp and grits, their first time there and they tell the manager its the best they have ever tasted, (which has happened once or twice for me OH YEA) then they come back and order the same thing and its not up to par with what they expected based on their last experience. You have just damaged the reputation of the restaraunt by not being consistant with the product, and in this line of work, consistant outstanding flavor of each dish is crucial to the success of any restaraunt. This is just one of the many things required from those working in the kitchen, but its one of my favorite parts. The other part is being able to deal with stress and be able to overcome obstacles. Frankly when things are popping and orders are flying in literally every second, you really dont have time to take things personal or even think for that matter. You have to react. If something happens with one of the orders, you cant just stop and try fix it standing still so to speak. You have to make adjustments on the fly and still deliver outstanding food. I always tell people i train, if you cant handle the heat then get out the way. There really, in my opinion, is no time for emotions or anything else that gets in the way of serving guests great food. I love the excitment and energy during the extreme rushes that for my restaraunt, seem to last almost all day long on the weekends, but I also love the peacefulness of being in the back just prepping away making sure stuff is ready for the line cooks. In my career as a cook I have worked for fast food, a japanese short order restaraunt, a catering company, and volunteered numerous times as a cook for my old church's events, ranging from weekend retreats to special breakfast's and dinners. The times i remember best are just hanging out in the kitchen on the weekend retreats cooking with Josh and sometimes Steven, getting the chance to learn more about each other as brothers while doing something we truly enjoy, cooking and serving others. I used to be left alone to continue prepping the food between meals while the other staff either got some rest or participated in the events. These quite times with me left alone with just my thoughts and my soul really helped me understand life on the outside of the kitchen and gave me time to reflect on the deepest questions and struggles that I had going on at the time. What I wouldnt give to go back to that kitchen in Falcon NC and cook just one more weekend for my old church, to get the whole experience all over again one more time before I die. I got a reminder of this experience when I was left alone to clean up the other night. I once again realized that this was my secret place, my home away from home. This was the place that I came to escape life for a short time, knowing that while in the kitchen, I could do nothing about anything that was happening in my life at that time, and could truly focus on the moment. I guess you can say, the kitchen is my "sanctuary." It has become the place where I learn about myself, and others.
So I will leave you with this question. Where or what is your sanctuary?

Till next time, this is mike. love, peace, and chili grease.