Another year

So its 2:30 in the morning on the final day of 2010. Haha wow its interesting to say that. I am not sure if its just because things that use to seem important dont really matter that much anymore, or if its because i'm 27 and I have seen enough years come and go that im not really all that ya know "woohoo, a new year" anymore. Lol. I guess it could also be the fact that each year I have set out with great expectations, mainly for my personal development, then somewhere down the road find that this expectations fall short and I am lost wondering what happened to the excitment and energy that I entered the new year with. Taking time to think about this I am realizing that sometimes the hardest part of the new year resolutions is the actual doing of the resolutions and when the going gets tough, how much am I willing to sacrifice in order to see these resolutions accomplished. My friends and associates know my love of running. To get out into the woods or just around the block, and push my body to its limits with the purpose of strengthening it and preparing it for the longer runs. When I get up and start prepping for my run, I like to of course stretch and then kinda shake myself into focus. Sorta like psyching myself up for the run and the obstacles that could come against me. I know its going to be hard, long, challenging, this time of year freezing cold, and yet at the same time, its going to be a freakin blast. Then once i've got myself pumped for the jog, I start out with a relatively strong pace. Eventually as i get into the run, usually about 15 min into it, I get into my rthym and seem to sorta just flow with the jog and let my mind wander. For the most part i keep a good pace but as the run progresses and the terrain changes, my body starts telling me its close to the limits of what is comfortable and normal for it, and begins to naturally put itself into defense mode and this is when the level of discipline and commitment is seen. If I yield to the demands of the body telling me its not liking this level of strain and pain, then I will never be able to grow stronger and be able to withstand more, thus allowing me to run longer and faster. So this is where I start to push myself and begin to really focus on the jog and this requires more energy both in my body and in my mind. The body starts to release certain chemicals and it starts to burn off the calories and sorta cleanses the itself, because its under more strain and needs to tap into its energy stores in order to continue functioning under the strain.
Starting off the new year is in alot of ways for me like prepping for the jog. I have the goals and energy and the desire to run at full speed ahead, then as the year progresses and things start to seem to pile up, the chance to stop living and just accept life as it is comes into my mind and its this time that I have to decide whether or not to accept the easier and less demanding way to live, sorta like going for a walk, or choose to continue the pace I set out with and accomplish the things I have set out to do. I guess over the past couple years it seems that the pace has gotten alot harder to maintain, and so each time i start off another year, the past seems to come back harder and harder and I wonder earlier and earlier whether or not I will be able to keep up with the pace I started off. In other words, i have accomplished fewer resolutions and so each time i dont end up where i set out to at the end of the year, I wonder if the next year will be different.
This year has definately been one of the fullest times of my life. I have spanned the spectrum of this rollercoaster filled theme park called life, seeing many friends of the past slowly fall away, while finding love, losing love, finding what I thought was love, then realizing that I still have alot to learn about love. I have definately had some interesting adventures and have been shown by various friends the unique sides of life. Finally able to go on the road trip that me and my bro have talked about doing for years, shooting up to New York City for a day, hanging out in Times Square eating new york style pizza at 3am then having to hit the road and head back home to be at work at 2pm. Lol. now that was a freakin insane and awesome adventure. The following week I found myself spending a few days in Miami, which all in all was a challenging but insanely cool experience. Still have to say that New York was the better of the two, but then again Miami has an atmosphere all its own; as the bartender at the hotel told me, its a good place for those who dont know themselves to come and hide out. I have set various goals and have definately went off track in various parts of my life, and yes I truly do have regrets from this past year, but I was also able to meet one of the most beautiful ladies I have ever set my eyes on and so it wasnt an all around bad year.
For this year I think the one biggest resolution I have is that I will stand up and fight and truly live and enjoy this coming year. Do I have any clue of what this year is going to bring, hells no. Do i have some goals that I want to see accomplished, yes. Will I accomplish those goals. I would say yes but as I have learned, life can and will slap your ass to the ground just to see how much your willing to endure in order to accomplish your goals, and this may seem like a bad thing, but its also life showing you just what your made of and also whether or not the goals you have set are really worth the investment.
So what is my new year resolution? To say fuck it and simply live the life I want and show the world what kind of person I am. This past year has definately been hard but I am not as happy to see it go as I am others in the past, but its time for another race to begin and I'm stoked for what the terrain will bring.
In closing I wish to quote Robert Frost. "I have taken the one less traveled by, and this has made all the difference." Happy New Year.

Is it worth it?

So this is kinda my first official entry into this new blog that I have decided to really work on and keep up to date and its 2:22am and my body is ready to sleep, but as any writer can tell you, the mind doesnt always listen to the body. Today was my day off from work from my new job and i spent it running a friend up to get an application, which took longer to find the place then it did for her to fill out the app. Then i kept a promise to go and see another friend that i havent seen in a little time because of work and other issues. Nothing like spending time with friends to make you realize just what exactly it is your fighting for. To see their beautiful face, hear their laughter, and know that beyond a shadow of a doubt, they call and you move and heaven and earth to be there. While I was hanging out with them this statement came out and this is where the majority of this blog will be based from "one man's trash is another man's treasure." Very interesting statement and one that got my mental gears turning. Is the reason you value the treasure because the treasure itself is valuable? Or because you know that someone else wants that treasure? And so in reality, the envy of the other person is more valuable to you then the actual treasure itself? I have found that sometimes it is not so much the actual treasure that we desire but the perks and benefits that accompany the treasure. Merely the simple thought of even having such a treasure makes us desire it even though we may know or care little about said treasure. When I find something that I feel is important to me then I will fight for it and dare anyone to stand in my way when it comes to my defense of that said thing. I'm not alone. Most men and women will do the same. They stand up and do all that they can to ensure that the treasure remains in their life, regardless of the sacrifice that must be made in order to ensure this. The treasure could be anything, but in this case I am refering to relationships, and that special someone that for some are still looking, others have found, still others have found but yet still look. Now that last statement will be an interesting topic to explore. So continuing on. When you find someone who grabs your attention and you want nothing more than for that person to be a part of your life, you willingly open yourself up and give yourself into that person's life, with the expectations of the person reciprocating that investment. You invest your time, feelings, thoughts, emotions, and energy into that person and then only recieve a less than expected returen on your investment. No wonder why so many people live with broken hearts. Talk about a high risk investment with little to no guarentee on return. So the question once was asked why do people choose the person who cares little over the person who cares alot.? I think is is simple logic. The lesser the investment, the lesser the risk, the lesser the loss if the relationship takes a nose dive. We sometimes choose the person who cares less because we know that the relationship will be in some ways easier because the person isnt giving much so naturally shouldnt expect much, and so less is required of us, yet we still can have what we want at that moment. And for most in this instance, it is the simple idea of having a treasure, and not so much the actual treasure that is of value to us.
But is it really worth it?
If you only give a little, then by natural law you should expect little in return. If you give much, then your entitled to expect much. So then why should we even invest in the little when we can use all of those various littles to fight for and invest in the big one. In simple terms, why waste our time with dead end relationships that only satisfy our momentary needs, when we can invest all that energy into building a lasting relationship with someone of real value. Someone who understands the mathematics of love and relationships. The person who is willing to give more and is only giving you this because they believe you will invest the same. If you arent willing to fight for your treasure, then my friend you are not worthy of that treasure. Heck you arent even worthy of the sand that protects it.
I am literally about to pass out so i think its time for bed. I will write some more later.

New Year Thoughts

Hello All. So it is officially 2010. Wow. I am not sure how you celebrated the coming of the new and the passing of the old, whether with friends and family, by yourself with ice cream and a good movie, or with complete strangers all coming together to ring in the new year, but if your reading this than that means you have survived another year and are ready for the new.

I was given the privelege to work last nite as my job is in the hospitality field and so whenever someone is in need of service, we are there and available. The group we had last nite was an interesting group and the nite was an up and down kinda nite but everyone had fun and I learned one valuable lesson; never send your only other server home until everything is done. My legs are not too happy with me rite now.

As I was making my way home this morning I started thinking about some things and I know I've been told countless times that thinking and driving is not safe for me, but I took a risk and kept on thinking. Somethings that were swirling in my head is how we can start this year off with excitment and passion and this just insane spirit of hope and belief in great things to happen, and then things seem to sorta die down, loose their power, and sometimes disappear outright. I never really understood why that happens. I know for myself right now even though i'm totally beat from the work I did, I feel that energy, that excitment, and see this new year with great anticipation, and know craziness will happen; still the thought remains of how this year will transpire. We start this year off with hope and sometime along the way hope is replaced by doubt, imagination steps aside for reality, and the passion of yesterday seems to be overcome by mundaness. Not sure why these things happen and I know I may never know, but I do know that in a race, the way you start is a big key to how the rest of the race goes and how you finish.

So as you prepare yourselves for the coming year and complete those tasks today that must be done, take time to reflect on how you ran your last race and how you finished, then see what improvements need to be made, and take a real step and seek out how to bring about these improvements. The year is a great one to be had and I know for me the word for this year is bold faith, actions speak louder than words. I have personal things that have been laying in my heart waiting to be started and I will not share all of them yet, for a book I read says "let not thy left hand know what thy rite hand is doing." To me that means simply not saying I'm going to do something, but do it. You have dreams sitting in your soul waiting to be expressed so my friends I challenge you, nah, I dare you, to step out and simply grab hold of life and those soaring dreams and stand as an inspiration to others who need to see something that tells them its possible, those dreams can be a reality.